Dissatisfied With Discontent

Psalm 1:6(a) (the message)
God charts the road you take.

This evening I have shed a few tears, angry tears even, and asked God why.  Why in the world did He choose me?

Have you ever known without a doubt you were right where God wanted you and yet you couldn’t understand why He chose you to be there?  God gives you a promise and when He fulfills it life becomes more confusing and challenging…leaving you to scratch your head and sigh.  I suspect this is part of the reason God gives His children promises far ahead of fruition.  If it weren’t for the words God spoke into my heart and then confirmed in my life many, many months ago I would certainly be questioning the road I am on.  However, He did speak those words to me and He did confirm them in my life. So, I don’t question if I’m in God’s will.  I just find myself asking what for and why me?

As I shed hot tears of frustration tonight I somewhat begrudgingly go and get my Bible.  I sit down on my bed with only the fading daylight to illuminate the first chapter of Psalms.  I read along and then reach the six words above and in only the way Holy Spirit can, my heart is touched and I know He is speaking to me.  One of those precious moments when a Heavenly Highlighter causes the words to leap off the page.

Even though stepping into the promise and plan God spoke to me many months ago has brought a degree of frustration as I sometimes unsuccessfully try to manage, I realize tonight He is telling me… Yes, I know.  And it’s still the road I charted for you.  

See, I just really thought that I was going to jump from one spiritual mountain top to another.  Struggling was not part of my thought formation.  I mean, I struggled for such a long time spiritually!  I kinda thought I had gotten past that!  Smile and cringe…

Tonight, with the start of those simple words letting me know I am indeed right where He wants me to be, I feel this is what God is speaking to my heart.  And I hope that if you are in a season of spiritual push-and-pull, you may find it encouraging.  As I sat on my bed I felt in my heart God asking me what made you give up more of yourself for me in the past?  I knew instantly the answer was my desperation for my children and my marriage.  I sensed Him saying… You became dissatisfied with your discontent.  And you will again.  Where I have you now requires more.  You can keep trying to give that more by giving more of yourself, or you can come for more of Me.  When you come for more of me I will be the more needed for your life.  When I am not truly First Place, even very little to manage in life will feel chaotic.  Yet, when I am First Place the rest will find its proper place, no matter how much.

I know some may read that and think really?  God said all that to her on a Sat night sitting on her bed?   I have never heard a voice or had anything spooky happen to me. But truly getting to know Jesus will in time help you to recognize impressions deep in your heart that are from Him.  Really, this is what it’s all about. Knowing Jesus. Worshipping God.  Yielding to Holy Spirit.  Having the Creator of the galaxy “chart the road you take” and encourage and speak to your heart when you need it most.

I crave the stability of God-confidence.  I thirst for the peace and wisdom that makes me bold and fearless as I follow Him.  I need the tranquility of spirit that comes when I am simply leaning into this Creator who died and yet lives.  I know exactly what He was saying to me tonight.  On purpose, God charted a road that He knew would take me out of the spiritual comfort zone I had been in.  He has taken me into a place where I will sink or swim, really.  The sum of the parts in my life is much bigger than me.  But really, that is okay.  Goodness, that is okay.  What it does is force me to a place of dissatisfaction with my discontent.  I know about God-confidence and peace that changes everything.  Oh I think that is why the Bible says “taste and see that the Lord is good.”  When you truly taste abundant living in the riches of Christ…when you truly are changed by His presence…you will never be satisfied with less.

As I have attempted at times to give the “more” that is needed in my life by giving more of myself, I have experienced less peace and joy.  Thus I find myself frustrated!  But I know tomorrow will come and although I cannot always know or understand how God works, I trust Him.  And I know if He is telling me the “more” must start with more of Him, then that is my answer.  As I ponder all of this tonight, I think of my last post about touching the hem of His garment and I know it bleeds into what He is trying to show me tonight.

When being with Jesus is our passion, He is more than enough and we don’t have to “be more” to fulfill His call on our lives.  My prayer for each of us is that we become sorely dissatisfied with our discontent.  So much so that letting go of ourselves in exchange for more of Him becomes our greatest pursuit.

 

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