Tearing through the veil of darkness
Breaking every chain, you set us free
Fighting for the furthest heart
You gave Your own life for all to see
These are lyrics to the song “Relentless” by Hillsong United. Last night a few of those words caught at my heart…
Fighting for the furthest heart
Words that traced a path of truth across my heart in the brief seconds they blew across it.
Sometimes the furthest heart lies within a person who is most hurtful. Instead of fighting with them, fight for them. Fight for their hearts with love, through love, for love. Don’t fight who they are; fight for who they are meant to be with Jesus.
Here is what I know for sure. Without Jesus in my everyday life, my real coming and going life, I am prone to selfishness. Insecurity. Anger and unforgiveness and a judgmental heart. When my heart is furthest from Him, I am most difficult.
Jesus is the only reason I can live differently. I don’t get the credit. I didn’t earn my good Christian girl title. I am desperate for grace in all of my imperfection. I was a mediocre, C+ student in How-to-be-Spiritual class. I never earned accolades. I was not one of the chosen.
This ordinary girl needs, must have, the nearness of Bible-Jesus. The way I read it…the Who He was is still the Who He is…and a title or human recognition just won’t get me there.
I slipped down a rabbit hole of grace.
I seem to free-fall and it’s so out of the box.
Yet He’s there. And He’s speaking. And loving and leading.
I could tug and pull at Him my whole life long but He’s not getting inside the box with me. He will not tease out my bloom inside a neatly packaged formula.
I think, Huh?! How can you be speaking…flowing and filling…in these less conventional, no-longer-timed and no-longer-labeled times I spend with You?
I need more than the satisfaction that I did my duty. Or that I met the standard someone else set for how to engage God. I’ve done my best at all of that. I was a disillusioned straggler.
I’m learning to quit racing. I will run, fall behind or sit under a shade tree if those are the ways and places I find His nearness.
I’m not an overachiever.
I want to fight the people who hurt me in life. I want to fight internally against what God asks of me. I want to fight who they are, insist they change, hold them accountable. I would like to fight it out, say my piece, and yet the battle mostly rages within.
But Jesus, my non-strategic collision with grace, catches my fists as He blows across my believing heart. Oh, yes. This is the voice of the One I love. And it’s for Him I will fight.
I will not fight for the furthest heart because I am good or they deserve it or it’s the right thing to do.
My heart absorbs this: He’s asking me to fight on His behalf.
Jesus is asking me to fight for the ones who hurt. Who abuse. Who take advantage. Fight with His love.
I don’t even want to try except He splashes water into my eyes and for the briefest moment I glimpse His heart. His love. The way He fights for me.
It is true. Jesus is relentless. He pursues our hearts nonstop and then recruits us for His love-capturing work.
For You, Jesus. On your behalf I will fight for the far-away heart.
Knowing sometimes that heart is mine.