Deeper Things

Last night my Pastor’s wife, Martha Fry, said something that stuck to my insides.

She encouraged us to trust God in the everyday things of life this year. Words strung together by God flowed from her lips and landed with a thud on my heart…

Trust God to help you know what living in peace looks like.

Sometimes we don’t know how to do different because we don’t really know what different looks like.

I’ve experienced facing fear and trusting God for dreams and callings He’s put on my heart.  But there are deeper things than dreams and callings.

Last night as my Pastor preached I kept thinking about what Martha said…the way she had said it.

I find myself on far too many occasions lashing out in a harsh tone or yelling at my family. I’ve been panicky-desperate for a while now because I want to be different but it’s like clawing and scraping for tools in a toolbox that are missing.

Her words are still draped across my heart today.

Trust God to know what living in peace looks like…

Trust?  It dawns on me that even my sin is a matter of trust.

It seems like trusting God for finances, dreams or health are the faith bigs, but what if the biggest things are the deepest, most ingrained, seemingly irreversible parts of who we are?

I keep asking forgiveness for my angry outbursts and I should.

It’s more important than jobs or callings, than finances or dreams.

The ripples reach far and deep…

Toward the end of service I took my little piece of paper with “anger” written on it to a large wooden cross where I had the opportunity to symbolically nail it with a stick-pin.

I cannot change, God.  I feel powerless.

Then a  verse…He stripped spiritual tyrants of their sham authority at the Cross.

I destroyed the power of sin in your life on the Cross. 

I gathered my cracker and juice and sat back down in my seat. I closed my eyes and thought about this communion. His body beaten mercilessly. His blood pouring out.

What this means. 

I might spend my whole life investigating myself and my sin and trying to find the skills and tools I need to change and do better.

Or pin myself to the Cross and cling to His blood-soaked feetmy greatest disrespect to this sham authority that cannot hold or have me.

“When you were stuck in your old sin-dead life, you were incapable of responding to God. God brought you alive–right along with Christ! Think of it! All sins forgiven, the slate wiped clean, that old arrest warrant canceled and nailed to Christ’s cross. He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets. ” (Colossians 2, The Message)

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