Sifting

Sun rays filtered by foliage
Light bouncing off new green
I sit and stare

I think how like the sun
You find your way through the dense thicket
Of my heart
Lies and lives and misconceptions
Misrepresentations
Your love and presence
Cannot be denied

I keep sifting

Through perfect pics
And politics
Through projected perfection
And pretense

I keep sifting

Through religious talk
And empty proclamations of love
Through traditions and routines
And harsh realities

I keep sifting

For you

To hear what you say to me
To see what you show to me
To let go of what you’ve taken from me
To never get to know why and still trust you

I keep sifting

So I might be in your presence
Kneel at your feet
My heavy head on your lap
Your gentle hand
On my head
Hearing your voice
You speak a blessing
A promise
Reassurance

There is nothing that can separate you from my love
I will never leave you, never forsake you

So I keep sifting

Through disappointment
And blame
Through expectations
And zeal
Through days and months
And years

I keep sifting

Alert for genuine encounters with you

I recognize your Love
I recognize the gift of your presence
I recognize this chance
Transparent, to be with you

You are far more than a label, a creed, a tradition or a moral code
You are far more than my politics, my worldview, my passion or my need to be right

You are so much more than all of the words I could ever string together
I want to really see you
Except sometimes it’s hard to find you
Inside all the noise

You are more than we could ever package, reproduce or legislate
You are a beautiful surprise and not so complicated, after all

I simply cannot make you fit into my pocket
You gently decline to be led by my agenda
I cannot find you in the places I want to go

Because there you still are

With the woman at the well
Feeding the thousands
Raising the dead
Walking on water
Healing the blind
Cleansing the lepers
Around the table with outcasts
Reclining, embracing, speaking truth
Bleeding out my freedom

So I just keep sifting
Through it all
For you

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